Memories

It’s been way too long since I’ve written…again. A combination of job and personal items have created a perfect storm as of late that has kept me sidetracked for way too long. I haven’t even tweeted lately, but I did manage to tweet today: A gem cannot be polished without friction, nor a man perfected without trials. It’s true, friction has a way of shaping, molding, defining us. That applies to both our personal and professional lives. I usually write towards the career and professional side of life, but I know that this post will blend well into the personal side of my life and hopefully be a positive influence in your life as well.

I lost my dad 14 days ago. 10 days ago, I performed his memorial service. I have learned a lot from my dad, so I want to share some of what I shared at the memorial service. My only request is that you keep your mind open and take away something that will propel you forward that you can share with and pass along to others.

My dad was a gentle man; he became even more gentle as he got older. Even when he couldn’t remember my name, I would hug him whenever I left him and he would whisper sweet things to me. As with most parent/child relationships, we had our ups and downs. Maybe you have heard about a lot of the rules in my house as I was growing up. As an immature young man, I only saw those rules as "in my way", intending to “ruin my fun" or "control my life". The young man that I was couldn't see past his own desires for fun and freedom to understand the love my Dad was showing me by setting boundaries and doing his best to guide me in life.

I did not truly understand all of this until I had kids of my own and I began to institute rules, draw boundaries and impose guidelines in their lives as well. I had ups and downs with my own kids too, but that is just as natural as it is for parents to pass these types of things along to their own kids.

Some of the things my dad passed along were physiological and others were more traditional in nature:

• My two brothers and I want to personally thank him for the hair challenges he passed down to each one of us
• I can personally attest that he passed down his competitive nature to me – and just like he would never let us, as kids, beat him in anything, I did the same to my kids (I have lots of stories on this topic)
• I heard my entire life how important education and learning are from my dad and I have made it a passion, not only to read and learn constantly, but to teach as well

Some of the more important things my dad taught me:

• Dad taught me it was OK to cry
• Most fathers in the time I grew up were telling their sons not to cry
• Dad knew it was an important part of emotional health to experience and feel things, not just stuff them deep into your own self
• Dad instilled a good work ethic and an attitude of savings
• I never saw him take a single car to be worked on, call a plumber or electrician – he did it all himself
• He worked hard – extremely hard – his entire life
• When times were tough financially, he worked harder
• Dad taught me the importance of a relationship with God
• He treated others with the kind of biblical love and respect they deserved
• He served tirelessly at the church in many capacities
• He knew that part of loving God meant not just giving money, but also giving his time and talent to serve others and help those in need

In a nut shell, my dad always gave his love freely but I did not always receive or respect it well. He extended his love in my direction anyway:

• I remember dad reading with us every morning
• I remember him circling with us in prayer before we left every morning
• I remember him holding me…tight…telling me how much he loved me, and he wouldn’t let me go until I said it back to him

Take a minute today to show someone you care. It can be at work, at home, or wherever your important relationships are. Decide to love and respect the others around you. Take a minute to tell a memory or story that has impacted you in a positive way to others. Write a note to someone that may need to hear some encouraging words. Hug someone, tell them you love them and don’t let them go until they say it back!

Lastly – don’t mistake kind, gentle leadership as weakness. Leave your legacy by impacting others in a positive way daily.